well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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