Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
