Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
