omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
