I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found your dick twin last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
