How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
