yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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