just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
