Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
