Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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