i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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