I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
