He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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