Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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