dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
