i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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