I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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