Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
