Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
