So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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