upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wear drunk well.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
