Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
