I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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