the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
