Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
