just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
