apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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