nut hugger
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
