Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
