i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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