Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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