There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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