your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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