He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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