I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
