I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
