Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
