i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
