eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He? As in you personified your dick?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
