i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
