Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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