I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
