The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
