I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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