Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
