Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
