I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
