I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
