we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
