The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
FUCK WHALES
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
