ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
