I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
