i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
